ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
