Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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