I am puke
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
