just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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