I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
