"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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