he wants to bone in the snuggie
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
