dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
