I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
