Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
