the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
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Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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