Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize