i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
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I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
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I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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