He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
