Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
