Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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