I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
