i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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