Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
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