he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
