How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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