so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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