Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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