whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize