You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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