Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
