Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
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