life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
