You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
