its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
