Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
