just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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