Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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