Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
