WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
