i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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