He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
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The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
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Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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