Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
