you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
