YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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