We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
