this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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