i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize