Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
