So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
