I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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