I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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