Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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