I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
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I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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