I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
