woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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