I think i sorta joined a cult last night
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
