From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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