I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize