i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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