kristin has been a bad kristin
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
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He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
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I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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