Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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