Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
no. you can't hotbox the world.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
