people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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