Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
