If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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