No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
two words: eviction party
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
