Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
