Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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